So I won him back!!! I left the one I was with and followed my heart back to the man I lost this last year. I looked my daughters dad in the eye and told him I’ll never go back to him, I’m done forever. I looked my dad in his eyes and told him JAMES is the man I’ll be married to one day. Things are far from perfect and at this moment my life is kind of messy. Yet, im okay with It all because I’m living it how I want to the best of my capabilities…..and that’s all we can do, right?
I finally stopped lieng to myself. I finally accepted responsibility for all the wrong I’ve done. I have finally realized I could never make him love me. I only accepted being with him as my last resort due to my situation but everyday I thought.of the man I fell in love with and it sadden me to know I made the choice to walk away from true love just because I had a child with my first love. Just because circumstances pushed me towards that direction. Yet no matter what it was still my choice and from the moment i made it, I regretted it. There was too much water under our bridge we were drowning before we even begun. Yet, it wasn’t till I accepted I can’t make myself love him either. I can’t pretend to be happy and one day I actually will be. I can’t get the man of my dreams out of mind even though it had been a year. I wasn’t okay with the person I became. I took 20steps backwards and I knew it at the first step but I let myself continue. I guess what hurt the most this year is I choice to suffer. People may hurt you but only you choose whether you suffer or not. I made my fate and once again I’ll change it. I might not ever get the chance to win the man I meant to be with back but I rather be single and alone than be with anyone else in this world.
I hate when remember or hear something from the past that you really don’t want to reminisce on! Egh fucks up your whole day! It’s hard to leave the past behind me & focus on my present when I keep hearing about it!